Like all of us, we have a past. That past could have been beautiful… or it could have been hard, ugly and dark. With each new day, we get to choose what our life looks like moving forward. The past is still there… and needs to be acknowledged and accepted… but we get to create anything we want as we move forward. Isn’t that amazing?

We can be anything we want - from today. It all starts with a single thought. A single action.

Fast-forward to 2024 - this painting has been hanging in my hallway the past 5 year. It was a piece that I never felt had reached it’s full potential - and so as I was gathering up my paints and my canvases to come down to my studio in McCrae for the end of the Christmas holidays, I decided to bring this painting along in case I was inspired to breathe more life into it.

I have titled it ‘Bringing the Past Into the Present’ because it is very much so. Bringing this past creation more into life by adding a lot of layering with the palette knife; resulting in brighter and more vibrant energy and colours. Just in the same way that I’m bringing all of the bits of my past and using them as the fire to fuel my present life.

I started this painting at a time when I was in deep contemplation my direction in life.

As part of my reflection and contemplative time, I threw myself back into my lapsed meditation practice and picked up my brushes again.

I instantly feel like myself on the mat - sitting early mornings for my meditations instantly brings me back to myself and the wisdom that is in my heart. And picking up my brushes instantly brings back a sense of flow and joy.

This painting represents to me the transition from the old me that did not prioritise my heart, did not prioritise what brings me joy and did not prioritise my wants and needs over others. To the new me. The Ann Marie that prioritises what her heart is calling her towards, to prioritise joy and to leaning into the discomfort of sharing this transition publicly in hopes that it touches others 🫣

This particularly day, I had woken before the sunrise for my morning meditation. As I finished my meditation, I contemplated the excitement and hope I am feeling about this new direction; this new career. Not just about getting my paintings out into the world - but also about opening our home to individuals seeking nourishment and connection.

I actually started 3 other pieces the day I created this painting. In the early morning/afternoon I started each painting with the intent to paint in different styles - one more realistic, one with my ’pointillism / dots approach’ and then one with the palette knife. The first two had been set aside (you can only put so much oil paint on the canvas before you have to stop, to prevent the colours getting muddied) and I had started on (what has now become McCrae’s Promise).

The first (the realistic) ended up having another painting fall onto it - which ripped a big gash in the canvas. Goodbye 1.5 hours of work!

This particular piece, came swiftly after Glitter in the Muck; I was really drawn to bring out the yellows and reds, which for me represent heartfelt joy. Feeling joyful that I am finally allowing myself to wholeheartedly pursue being an artist - over and above anything else I call myself. It almost feels surreal and makes my heart overflow with joy (& a touch sad all at once that it’s taken me some 25 since studying Fine Art at University to allow myself to follow this calling).

So many of us silence our desires… And tow the “expected line” that we have learned we are meant to play.

Whether that’s staying in a marriage because “marriage is meant to be forever”, pursuing a job or career to make other people proud, or altering how we look in order to fit some perceived idea of beauty… I’ve been there.

No longer…

No doubt you’ve sung along to the Rolling Stones song, “You can’t always get what you want”?

Can be pretty hard to swallow at times - particularly when you think what you want is what you need…

but when we can allow ourselves to surrender, we find it’s ready to deliver in its perfect own divine fashion…

You know what you know - and sometimes it’s hard to look outside of the ‘rules’ you’ve imposed on yourself.

But lately, I’ve been inspired by seeing other artists on Instagram using all kinds of implements to make their art and I’ve begun experimenting using the palette knife more in my paintings.

It’s allowing me to be more fluid and less constrained in my approach. Having less rigidity in our life is something most of us can benefit from…

"I felt all the sadness, disappointment and grief I had stored in my body, regarding my decision to abandon my art.

I felt totally raw and exposed…

It was time to paint and let it all out."

My doubting mind enquired… ‘Am I really good enough to put my art work in a gallery?’

The only time I’d ever exhibited was in 1999, at the end of my senior year of college (university) where I had to be part of the ‘senior show exhibit’ - a requirement to graduate.

After graduating, I turned my back on my art - choosing to ignore my heart’s callings and head into ‘the business world’…

A few years ago I stumbled across the concept of Ikigai - a Japanese concept of understanding what gives us our sense of purpose and reason for living.

Your Ikigai is the sweet spot between what you love, what you’re great at, what the world wants and what the world is willing to pay for. Where that all coalesces is your Ikigai – that which makes life worth living…

How old were you when you stepped away from your heart’s calling?
I was just 21 - finishing up college… ready to step out into the world…

From the moment we enter this world, our little souls are being guided as to what is right and what is wrong. What we should and should not do - with our time, our bodies, our money.

Much of the guidance is well meaning… but all of it is directed through experienced adult eyes. Eyes that view the world through their own lens’ of experience, challenges, heartaches and dissapointments.

What is your heart whispering to you? And can you create a little space in your life to allow that whisper to be heard over the noise of every day life?

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The past year has been an interesting one indeed.

There I was ‘enjoying’ a successful start in a challenging new business venture with a good friend...