Cacophony of Emotions

Cacophony of Emotions; Oil on Canvas, 40.5 x 50, Framed $545

Cacophony of emotions is another piece (like Bringing the Past Into the Present) that was an older piece that I have chosen to rework. 

In this instance I had painted a field of flowers that very much did not capture my heart… this piece had never made it to be displayed on my walls; but sat in a closet with other canvases waiting to be re-birthed. 

In this instance, I have chosen to totally rework the piece; choosing to not retain any of the original painting (that’s the beauty of oil paints… you can easily repurpose a work by simply choosing to paint over it). The past is there - maybe in small brush strokes and texture… but the remaining external experience is of something entirely new.

Like all of us, we have a past. That past could have been beautiful… or it could have been hard, ugly and dark. With each new day, we get to choose what our life looks like moving forward. The past is still there… and needs to be acknowledged and accepted… but we get to create anything we want as we move forward. Isn’t that amazing?

We can be anything we want - from today. It all starts with a single thought. A single action. 

Interestingly, I have chosen this past piece to become the embodiment of the doubt and the confusion that I feel as I worked towards this exhibition.

I reflected on the doubt and confusion I felt both as a young woman choosing to forgo a path in art… but also the doubt and confusion I am experiencing at the present moment, as I grapple with flecks of self-doubt that emerge throughout each week (and most days). Am I good enough to actually do this? Will anyone like any of my work. Am I silly to think this is something I can actually do? Will anyone come to my HeART-Full Retreats. A myriad of excitement, confusion, happiness, hope. 

I used more colour in this painting than I often do. Representing the cacophony of emotions.

I’ve learned recently a little bit about the Gene Keys. Interestingly, my ‘Life’s Work’ gene key has the shadow of confusion & self doubt.
For sure I have been plagued by self doubt throughout my life’s journey… I’m my own biggest hindrance. 

So here I am - trying to work through my cacophony of emotions - self doubt and confusion, belief and excitement, anxiety and trepidation…

This painting encapsulates all of those emotions. It feels to me a bit frenetic. And if I’m honest, it feels more constrained and less free that my other pieces in this exhibition. Perhaps still a bit disjointed, and muddled. An accurate portrayal as to how I was feeling in that moment.. and a reminder that life is a constant mix of experiences.

As it dried, I went back in to add a bit of gold. For me, gold represents the positive, the glimmer of hope. The illumination that comes with insight when we are quiet enough to still our minds.