Glimmer in the Muck
‘Glimmer in the Muck’ - 30.5cm x 40.5cm; 12” x 16'“
$445
Back in my art school days, I rallied against painting ‘anything ugly’.
I felt, ‘there’s enough bad stuff in the world’… that there was no need for me to contribute more to it
While I do still feel that way, this painting ‘Glimmer in the muck’ was my answer to to the heartswell of pain and grief I felt upon finding my old drawing portfolio this past January. I knew from the moment that I saw them that I had a blog in me, but it took the ‘embodiment’ focus of the ‘Rebel Heart’s’ exhibition for me to deep dive into my soul and paint how I was feeling.
You’ll note the dark and heavier colours are at odds with the bright, joyful and colourful artwork I normally like to create.
It was imperative that I allow myself to feel that disappointment, hurt and grief.
I’m a firm believer that any emotions we don’t let out, end up being stored in the body (see Bessel van der Kolk, the Body Keeps the Score)… and left for too long, they can create negative mental and physical challenges in the body.
To help me really get it out of my system; I first listened to ‘Day 7’ of this Insight Timer Challenge for creatives (that I highly recommend). I had started this challenge before Christmas, but had parked it’s completion whilst travelling in the States. Day 7 was a ‘mirror exercise’ - where you meditate whilst looking at your reflection. I sat in my care and bawled my eyes out. I felt all the sadness, disappointment and grief I had stored in my body, regarding my decision to abandon my art.
I felt totally raw and exposed.
It was time to paint and let it all out.
I like to listen to (generally happy, upbeat music as I paint).
Not today; today it seemed important for me to continue to allow the outpouring of grief.
I found this spotify channel of ‘sad crying mix’ of songs and let loose…
All is never bad. And challenge can result in beautiful outcomes and growth.
It felt vitally important for me to paint the faint glimmering gold bits to this piece; serving as a constant reminder that even when things feel bad and hard; there are always silver (or gold) linings that help carry us forwards.
It’s by holding on to those glimmers that we get through the muck.
On Exhibition at Red Galley, North Fitzroy, Feb 28 - March 10, ‘24.