Behind this smiling faćade - a pained heart…
Last Friday could have been a most joyous night - brimming with pride and excitement at the grand opening of my first exhibition since my college days.
But on the day of the exhibition, I found myself a teary mess!
You see, as I readied for the opening night of Rebel Hearts Exhibition - I realised I didn’t exactly have the tribe of support I would have liked to be celebrating with.
Part of that was because my husband was out of town; part of it was that my family, deepest friendships (and even the majority of my work & client focus over the past 10 years) is in the US… and part of it is,
I didn’t directly ask for support from my friends here in Melbourne
Whilst I posted the invite on my socials, I failed to extend a personal invitation and ask for the support from the majority of my friends. With the gallery some hour’s drive away - and on a Friday night - it felt like too big of an ask.
❌ wrong answer
I should have asked for what I needed - the support & presence of people I know who care about me and my path and would have been all too willing to come, had I just asked.
Gratefully, I had a couple of proactive friends who reached out to me… but…
lesson painfully learned - we have to ask for what we need, people can’t read our minds.
But the loneliness I felt last Friday goes a bit deeper than simply not asking for support.
Last October, when I was questioning a lot of aspects of my life - I reflected on my values and living a life of purpose. I realised an area missing from my life is a robust network of truly deep, nurturing and nourishing friendships here in Australia. Yes, I have a wide-range of friends, but I can count on a few fingers those that I know I can really connect and go deep with.
On this realisation last October, I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone and proactively change my circumstances.
Enter - Friendship dating.
On a recent ‘friendship first date’, a new friend informed me that a reported 20% of women are lonely. My reply, ‘I suspect it’s more than that’.
And it’s not just women. It’s men, it’s seniors, it’s young adults and teenagers - like my son who is fielding his own friendship challenges.
As I told him just last night - part of changing our circumstance is being really conscious about how (& who) we choose to spend our time and energy with. Reflecting on whether our current friendships fill our tanks and add value to our life and if our friends are giving us as much as they’re getting.
And just as importantly, if we’re feeling lonely, then setting into action proactive ways to connect with new people. Intentionally choosing to put ourselves in environments to make new connections and then fostering those new friendships by giving our time and our self - authentically; vulnerably and open heartedly.
Yes, it is nerve-wracking asking someone to be your friend; but that’s exactly what we have to do if we want genuine connection.
Itakes time to forge new friendships - particularly when we’re older and have many other commitments; but as I told my son, we have to get comfortable with discomfort in order to connect and change our circumstances.
I hope that he sees me doing just that and is inspired to courageously follow suit.